Taismo vs Tailream: The Pairing War Nobody Wanted
by Onewithmyshoesize
Summary: Cream and Cosmo have been locked in an eternal struggle over the love of their lives for as long as anyone can remeber. But everyone is sick of the fighting! So the citizens of City-Town come up with a sure-fire way of ending the war...or will it? R
1. Chapter 1: A Rude Awakening

Chapter One: A Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fan fiction. I only own City-Town, a fictional extra planar town that I came up with. Credit for help goes to nessfan and ITSOVER9000ish.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is very harsh. Come and read if, and only if, you have tough skin and an analytical mind. Otherwise, you may wish to reconsider reading this as you will be either very offended or not understand the big concept behind the story. The plotline is confusing, but there is one. Basically, the people of City-Town are tired of Cream and Cosmo constantly fighting over Tails, so they come up with a solution to end the fighting: one of them must obtain a kiss from Tails to become his lover. Unfortunately, the competition has some rather bad effects: the competition is taken too seriously and the town is divided in two factions and horrible things happen such as bar fights and besieging a fancy five-star restaurant. If you don't want to see the points of view from nessfan, ITSOVER9000ish or me, then feel free to skip those chapters. They are marked with the phrase "A Voice Aside" in the chapter reel. Read at your own risk. **

Six o'clock in the morning. Dawn. The world outside was light blue as the sun started to slowly rise across the sky. The buildings were light blue and the blinds in the windows were down and blew in the breeze. Not a single vehicle was in the street. Dew glistened in the azure light on the soft green grass and swaying flowers. The air was cool and gentle moving in one direction, and then moving in another direction like the wind was half-asleep. The local pool was closed; its water lazily lapped the walls of the pool making only a slight sloshing sound. The entire town was silent; letting dreams and sleep seduce the townsfolk in their beds and unwilling to leave the buttery-warm feeling of their mattresses and the cool wind leaving them unable to quit the toasty comfort of their blankets. Everyone was affected by this sudden dream time, for it was summer. And the people of Doolitz Boarding House were sleeping in.

Doolitz Boarding House was a very fancy house. A mansion that was owned by a billionaire playboy businessman, his wife divorced him and took the mansion when custody was being decided. She converted the mansion into a fancy boarding house. There were twenty-five bedrooms, thirty bathrooms, ten studies, five kitchens and a huge living room and basement. They were all decorated beautifully with white tiles and marble columns. Persian rugs hugged the floors, and the beds were king sized. The studies had ten shelves, fully stocked with encyclopedias, magazines and novels. Only truly rich people could live in the boarding house, but there are fifteen residents living there. And they are heroes.

Tails is a resident at Doolitz Boarding House. In a room whose door is marked with a golden two, Tails lived there with his friends occupying the other rooms. His head lay on his pillow, his hair ruffled against the soft white surface. He didn't snore. He breathed quietly through his nose. A spot of drool lay near his mouth on the pillow. He moved his mouth imperceptibly and his eyes began to open. He sat up in his bed and stretched back. He let loose a small yawn. He swung his legs over to the side of his bed. He hopped off and grabbed his backpack. He shoved in his notebooks for science, math and English. But then it hit him.

It was June 24th.

High School was over for the summer.

He and his friends were free.

He moved his backpack into the closet next to his bed. He smiled. Finally, he was free to go to his work shop and tinker with his machines to his heart's content. Homework wasn't a problem during the year, because Tails was able to finish it, and the tests were easy for him, even though he was in very advanced classes. But because of his advanced placement, he always had homework, and by the time he finished it all and studied, it was nine o'clock. And he had to get up at six to prepare for the day.

But now he didn't need to do that. He could sleep in. To sleep, to dream, to relax, and to decompress…His body craved it. He slipped back under the covers and closed his eyes.

And it is here the troubles began.

Tails rolled over in his sleep. He felt something breathing next to him, but paid no attention. It was probably the wind.

"What did you get up for?" A light, high-pitched voice asked softly.

"I thought we had school today. So I got up to get my things, but then I realized it was summer." Tails said. A sudden feeling seized Tails. He forced open his eyes. He saw a pair of brown eyes staring into his. Tails jumped out of the bed, and screamed. He saw who it was: Cream was under his covers and in his bed.

"CREAM? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?" Tails screamed.

Cream shrugged under the blankets. "I got scared in my own room last night. I tried to bunk with Amy, but she and Sonic were doing something weird with each other, so I came here." She smiled wryly and her eyes glowed with a seductive light. "And I thought you would like the company."

"You didn't _touch_ me, did you?" Tails said.

"No, I didn't. I slept on the sofa."

"And why are you in your cheerleader uniform?"

"My PJs are being washed." She struck a pose with her hand on her thigh. Her fingers slid across her skirt and pulled it up gracefully, revealing more of her leg. "Don't you think I look cute in this, Tails? Or maybe a little…hot?"

Tails looked at her with a freaked out expression. He sighed. "Okay, you can sleep in my bed until seven. Right now, I'm going to go take a shower." Tails grabbed his robe and headed into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him. He looked at his robe and saw the words _Tails+Cream=4Ever_ on it. He sighed. He put the robe on the counter and turned on the shower. The water came rushing down and Tails stepped into the shower. He rinsed his body and looked at the shampoo rack. _Darn it, where's my body rinse?_ Tails thought. The problem with having thirty bathrooms was that they were all public. And people often took one another's shampoo, as a result.

"Where's my body-rinse? Am I going to have to look for it all morning?" Tails said.

"Why don't you look for lips on a girl?" A voice asked. Tails spun around and could not believe what he saw. He saw Cosmo standing in the shower, clad in a one-piece bathing suit that said _City-Town High Girls Swim Team_. Her hands were stationed on her hips. She was wearing a pair of swim shorts that read _City-Town Certified Lifeguard, _which was rolled up slightly to reveal more of the thighs. She looked at Tails with a playful glint in her eyes. Tails grew wide-eyed.

"No!" Tails cried as Cosmo glomped him in the shower. The sound of lips pecking at various body parts and moaning was all that could be heard beyond the running water.

By seven, everyone was awake and at the table in the downstairs kitchen, eating breakfast. Cosmo was in her usual green flower dress and Cream was in her orange dress with a blue ribbon. Both were giving each other deathly cold stares as they ate breakfast. Ever since they found out they both had feelings for the same guy, neither of them got along. _Stomp! Stomp!_ Everyone turned their heads toward the stairway. They saw Tails stumble down the stair, almost falling with each step, and he trudged toward the table.

"Morning, sleepyhead!" Called out Amy, "Come and eat! Your sausages are almost cold."

Tails sat down at the place he usually eats: between Sonic and Knuckles.

"Oh, that's not possible," said Cream. She directed her gaze toward Tails. "Eat up Tails. I made them with love." Cosmo bent her fork. Her scowl on her face disappeared and she smiled.

"Uh, Tails? I think your sausages are cold already," Cosmo said, "I can make you a fresh batch if you want." Cream sensed no threat from Cosmo and started to drink her milk. "Plus, I know you like my cooking better."

Cream spat out her milk. She coughed a few times and looked at Cosmo. "WHAT?" Cream screamed. Cosmo shrugged. "We both know Tails likes my cooking better."

"No, he doesn't!" Cream said, "He likes my food better, because he loves me!"

Shadow, Sonic, Rouge, Blaze, Silver and Tails groaned. "Not this again," whined Knuckles.

Cream got out of her seat. She balled her hands into fists and stormed over to Cosmo. Cosmo got out of her seat and balled her hands into fists. Amy slid out of her seat and raised her hammer.

"Stop it, you two," Amy declared, "You both always fight like this! What happened to you both?"

Cream said, "We were friends until that (bleep) over there tried to steal my Tails from me!"

Cosmo gasped. "(Bleep) am I? I'll show you (bleep)!" Cosmo leaped over Amy and started to attack Cream. They both rolled out the door fighting.

"And they're off, ladies and gentlemen," commented Silver.

Outside, a man was talking to a woman. The man was garbed in a blue jumpsuit with a yellow stripe going down the middle of his shirt. He had on black shoes and had blonde hair. The woman had on the same attire and had blonde hair.

"Vault Girl, my sweet, I'm sorry I have to go back to work, but the Enclave are getting horny again." The man said.

"It's alright Vault Boy, just-wait, the Enclave are horny?" Vault Girl said.

"Er, no, they aren't horny. I meant to say rambunctious." Vault Boy picked up his brief case and opened a portal with a portal gun. With a quick click and a blasting sound, a blue portal appeared where there once was nothing. But then Vault Boy heard the sounds of frenzied screaming and yelling, and was swept in the fight between Cream and Cosmo. The fight carried on into the portal as they disappeared with no sound or alert.

Elsewhere, two men gathered at the base of a tower, one man sported a yellow and black jacket with a knap sack stylized with the face of a raccoon on it. He was tall and had a shaved head with faint outlines of a moustache-beard combo. The other man was short and fat and sported a brown coat with several tattoos and sunglasses that reflected in the sun. His brown hair covered the top of his head like a brown spider. The tall man spoke.

"I was afraid you weren't going to show, Zeke," the tall man said.

"So what's the plan here, Cole?" Zeke asked.

"At the top of that tower-" Suddenly, a blue WoW-like portal opened up and a voice spoke out of the portal behind the men. "I'M GOING TO (bleep) JOO!11!" Zeke looked at Cole with a disturbed face.

"Whoa, hold on there Cole! I didn't even KNOW you were into men!" Zeke said.

Cole looked at Zeke with an incredulous look. "What are you talking about? I was saying that-" The portal then echoed the sound of another voice: "I'll kick your (bleep), (bleep)! Tails is mine!"

"Okay, now you're freaking me out," said Zeke.

"I didn't say that!" Cole said.

"Then what is…?" Then they both lost their balance and were pulled into a fight. They both looked at their attackers: two little animals dressed as girls were having it out, and a man was clutching onto Cole with a beseeching plea: "Help me!" Cole then realized what was going on.

"Not again," Cole and Zeke both groaned. Afterward, Cole's head was grabbed by Cream. She then smashed Cole's head into Cosmo's multiple times, leaving him quite disoriented. Cosmo then grabbed everyone except Zeke and rolled them back into the portal. Zeke lay on the ground stunned for a few seconds until he got up. He sighed. "Great, first we have some weirdo stealing my ray sphere, now we have Cream and Cosmo fighting again. Don't worry, Cole, I'm coming to save you." He then dived into the portal.

Elsewhere, four people were facing off against each other in an ancient castle foyer. They stood looking at each other quite fiercely in groups of two. On one side was a man so muscular one would think he uses steroids regularly, wearing a tight green muscle shirt and having brown hair. Next to him was a woman who was quite tan and had brown hair, wearing a purple top with khaki pants and boots. Opposite of them were a man in a black body suit that drew attention to his six pack abs and was blonde. Next to him was a woman who was blonde and held it in a ponytail and sported a cat suit. They all looked at each other quite fiercely, preparing for battle, and from the worn-out expressions of the first group, were already recovering from battle.

"Now," began the blonde man in sunglasses, "I think things are a little more fair- with two on two." He made gestures with the number two. Soon, a portal opened up and spat out what could only be described as a war zone, albeit with only two people fighting. They all fell on the four people and they two were pulled into the storm cloud of passion and fighting. The cloud spat out its contents with a rabbit and a plant fighting. The four people groaned. "Not again!"

"This is exactly what happened last time," complained the brown haired man as he lifted an unconscious Vault Boy off of him. Vault Boy woke up and screamed. "So many teeth and fists and clawing and…!" He then fainted again.

"Chris has a point," the blonde haired man said. "Jill, would you please erase the days since last catfight sign over there in the corner?" The blonde haired woman shook her head.

"Sorry, Wesker, but I did it last time. It's Sheva's turn." Jill said.

Sheva, the brown haired woman, agreed. "Alright. But while I'm doing that, can you and Chris pry them apart?" Jill nodded. Sheva ran over to a corner in the room and unveiled a sign that read _Days since Cream and Cosmo's Last Catfight_. The sign had the number 02 written on it in red marker. She erased it and changed it to 00.

Chris and Jill ran over to the feuding Cream and Cosmo. Cream and Cosmo had grabbed each other by the necks and were trying to choke each other. Chris and Jill broke apart their hands by chopping their arms with a karate chop, grabbed their arms and separated the two. They were gasping for breath and cursing each other and hooting insults at each other.

"Let me at her! She's got what's coming to her!" Cream screamed as she was pulled away by Chris.

"Let me go! I'll kill her! I'll wear her skin like a robe!" Cosmo shouted at Jill.

"And that's why I'm not letting you go," Jill said as she gave Cosmo the sleeper's hold. Cosmo then fainted. Cream laughed until Chris gave her the sleeper's hold. She also fainted.

Wesker helped Cole up from the ground. Zeke fell from the portal onto Jill. On the ground, Zeke said to her: "Hey there. Do you come here often?"

Jill then kicked Zeke in the balls. Cole then healed Zeke, quipping how awkward the ordeal was. Vault Boy regained consciousness and he got up from the ground furious.

"DAMN IT ALL!" He shouted, "I'M LATE TO WORK AGAIN BECAUSE OF THOSE TWO! I HATE THESE STUPID CATFIGHTS!"

Chris then looked at him. "I understand. I'm sick of them fighting too."

Wesker then looked at him. "That's the only thing we agree on. They get in the way of everything, and for what? Some mutant of a fox dimensions away from us that doesn't even sound that great."

Vault Boy brushed off his jumpsuit. "You know what?" He said, "I'm going to do something about this. This is absolutely ridiculous." He pulled out his cell phone and went through the contacts until he found one name: a person we shall call the writer.

"No!" Called out Zeke, "you can't call him!"

Vault Boy turned around and made a melodramatic pose. "I've got to. It's the only way…" Cream then sat up. "Ohhhh…what happened?" She asked. Vault Boy generated a frying pan and hit Cream over the head with it. She slumped to the floor.

Cream and Cosmo stood in the center of the dais in the City-Town court, located in the Cornerstone of the Multiverse monument. They both felt uneasy standing next to each other as everyone in about hundred dimensions peered at them with looks of anger and hatred. They both faced the monarchs that governed City-Town: the Princesses Sally, Zelda, Peach, and Daisy and…well…the King and the writer. The King spoke.

"Mah bois…"

"They're girls," said Zelda.

"Whatever…you both have disrupted the peace in our town with your constant bickering and fighting over the one you call Tails. You have injured many and destroyed many livelihoods in order to fulfill your hearts' needs. Is there any way we can stop your fighting?"

"Well," began Cosmo, "you would need to tell Cream that Tails is mine and she should back off…"

"No!" Cream said, "Tails is mine! You can't have him!"

"Speaking of which, where is he?" Asked Sonic, who was in the audience.

"He is at home asleep," Amy said.

"Stop," said Peach, "you know we cannot force either of you on him…"

"Isn't there a way to decide who Tails ends up with?" Asked someone in the audience.

"Yes there is!" Exclaimed Bokkun. Everyone looked at him. He grew still for a moment and was frightened. "Um…you give Cream…to me?"

"Is that a question?" The writer asked.

"No?" Bokkun said.

"Cole, you may fry Bokkun." Then Cole zapped Bokkun with a lightning strike.

"I can't wait until you get that cattle prod," the writer said to Cole.

"I know. That thing was awesome!" Said Cole.

"There is a way!" Exclaimed Vault Boy. Everyone looked at him. "After searching through a library for a long two seconds, I found this!" He held up a book that was written in an archaic language.

"The heck is that?" The daedric prince Lord Shegorath asked. "It looks like a book."

"Because it is! And it has the very instructions for this type of event. But it is written in the archaic language of gurl. This language isn't known to anyone…"

"Wait," said Sheva, "if nobody knows what the language is, then how do you know the instructions?"

"Because I had it translated by the only two people who understand the ancient language. Deckard Cain and Zexion, tell everyone what the book says."

Zexion looked at everyone impatiently while Cain was sleeping with the papers in his hand. Zexion nudged him. "Wake up, you old coot."

"Wha-? EVIL!" Cain screamed as he woke up. "Oh, heh heh, sorry about that," he said, "the book of ancient gurl law says that in time like these, the victor is decided by whoever saw the man in question first."

"Ha!" Cream laughed as she smiled at Cosmo, "I win, so back off!"

"But," said Cosmo, "when Cream saw him, she didn't love him. When I saw him, I fell in love with him."

"She has a point," said Daisy.

"What?" Said Cream, "That's not fair! I've be around here longer than she has! I HAVE FULL RIGHTS TO THAT TWO-TAILED, SHMEXY, HANDSOME, SMART HUNKMUFFIN!"

Deckard Cain sighed. "There is another law in the book. If a victor must be decided, a competition will be held for the two competitors. Whoever receives a kiss from the man will become lovers. They can be assisted by teams in order to win the person's love."

"Then it is settled," said the King, "who here is in favor of Tails and Cream being together?" About half of the people in the Cornerstone raised their hands. Among these people were Martin Septim, Deckard Cain, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Vault Boy, Lucas, Dark Oak, Vanilla, Ammon Jerro, Bishop, Neeshka, and Paula. "Now who thinks Tails and Cosmo should be together?"

About half of the people in the Cornerstone raised their hands. Among them were Sheva Alomar, Albert Wesker, Leon S. Kennedy, Sheogorath/Jyggalag, Haskill, The Eds, Ness, Cole, Zeke, Bokkun, Charmy, Hertia, and the Archangel Tyreal.

"Look upon these people, and remember them, for they shall lead you to victory," the King said.

And everyone left the Cornerstone to prepare for the competition, each leaving with a knowing sense of foreboding that something would change the course of the small town forever…

There were only a few people who were neutral. Sonic and Amy are one of them. But they knew that the upcoming days would soon test their friendship…

**Theme: The division starts…**


	2. Chapter 2: A Voice Aside: Taismo

Chapter 2: A Voice Aside: Taismo

**Disclaimer: The ideas presented here are to invoke philosophical thought and are not of the author's ideas, for they were given by nessfan. Do not flame him as he has his own opinion on the ideas presented. Or else you will have earned my scorn. And when I scorn, I **_**SCORN**_**.**

**Music: The Office theme.**

Onewithmyshoesize sat at his desk drumming his finger on the mahogany wood. He looked off into space after the Cornerstone's verdict. He had a very uneasy feeling about the entire premise this had.

An entire town, perhaps an entire multiverse became divided into two factions. Neither would give up their point of view nor adjust to a new idea. Both factions were lead by girl who hasn't left the first grade yet, and one who had killed herself upon the urging of her dead mother. Either she was a hero or should have been put in a children's psychiatric clinic or under social protection services. Suicide was, to him, one of the most abominable sins one could commit, but he kept his feeling to himself, for it was to save everyone. A point that would pop up in the competition.

He stared off into space with annoyance. His one o'clock wasn't there, and he was worried about what would happen in the competition. He felt the competition would bring strife to the town, and the fact that this town was built in the very curvature of space-time worried him to no end. Perhaps this wasn't the way to go…

At any rate, he felt that the world could collapse without him knowing. All he wanted to do was remain alive at the end of what would be a disaster to his town. He gazed at his computer, a home built system that whirred silently at the heel of his desk. He looked at the screen and in particular he gazed at the pictures in front of his screen that stretched as far as the screen would allow. _No, they are not porn_, he thought, knowing the readers could read his mind. The pictures were fan drawings of Tails hugging and kissing a person. Half of the screen held that Tails was flirting with Cream, the other portraying Tails and Cosmo were the match God made in heaven in His holiest books. He launched a program and a window popped up.

At the same time, so did a gizoid with a talent for the humanities. He was silver and his eyes were blue. A crossbow was slung across his back with a lute, which Onewithmyshoesize had once mistakenly called a banjo. The gizoid held a journal that had stanzas of poetry and songs and lines of plays scribbled over and over again. The gizoid was a bard named Chemerl.

"Hello, Chemerl," Onewithmyshoesize said.

"Hello good master," the bard said.

"Is my one o' clock here?"

"I'm sorry good master, but I have not seen him."

"Are you here to ask me about one of your plays?"

"No, not today. I have come to tell you a person calling himself nessfan is in the reception room. He absolutely refuses to leave."

"Chemerl! He is my one o' clock!"

"He is? Sorry, I thought your one o' clock was named Vanilla."

Onewithmyshoesize looked at Chemerl with an odd look. "Have you been fantasizing about Vanilla again?"

"Yes, I have. I'm sorry, good master, but what can one do? She is the most bewitching woman one can meet. Without her, my summers are meltingly cold, a heavy lightness sets in my heart, and the world seems to be virtuously evil, and-"

"-and you are in love with another man's girlfriend. I have told you, Vector is Vanilla's lover."

"So? That does not stop my heart from racing as her names is taken from our lips and lost to the wisps of time-"

"-which we don't have, so send in nessfan."

"Alright good master." The Gizoid left the room. Seconds later, nessfan appeared in the doorway.

"Good afternoon nessfan," Onewithmyshoesize said as he got up from his chair to extend his hand. Nessfan met his hand and shook it.

"Hello Onewithmyshoesize," he said.

"Please, have a seat." Nessfan made himself comfortable on the recliner in his office.

"Are you ready for the interview?"

"Oh, I am ready…"

"Then let's get to it. For the sake of formality, are you Tailream, Taismo, both or neither?"

"I am a loyal Tails/Cosmo fan because when I read about how Tails had fallen for Cosmo, I had to find out more. When I had learned, I had fallen in love with the pairing, and the ironic part was, I liked this pairing before I was even into romance. It is my all-time favorite pairing to this day because, besides the obvious chemistry between each other, it was what got me to discover fan fiction. I personally do not HATE Tails/Cream anymore, but when it comes to pairings involving our favorite twin-tailed fox, I only read Tails/Cosmo..."

Onewithmyshoesize took out a notepad and scribbled something quickly. He looked up at nessfan.

"Interesting. Why do you think you were more captivated by Taismo rather than any other pairing?"

"I am more interested in Tails/Cosmo than any other pairing because Tails is the one who inspires Cosmo to know that if it were not for her, they would not have known of the threat of the most powerful being besides Dark Gaia and Solaris, and Cosmo cheers Tails up when he made a mistake and almost killed Sonic, and inspired him to become captain again."

Onewithmyshoesize scribbled another note.

"Earlier, you said you do not hate Tailream anymore. Does that imply that you would have flamed anyone who liked the idea of Tails and Cream being together?"

Nessfan shifts to his side in the chair. "I probably WOULD when I first got into Tails/Cosmo, but when I became wiser in my morals, I came to the conclusion that I don't hate Cream, as long as she is with someone who is not Tails, though I will not flame every Taiream fan if Tails and Cream get together in the games."

Onewithmyshoesize looked away from his computer screen. "Quite interesting. Why would it be bad if Cream and Tails got together?"

"I guess it would be bad if they got together because, one, the Taiream that actually flame would never leave the Taismo alone, saying, "Tails and Cream got together. There is no excuse to ship Taismo anymore. Nyeh!" and two, SEGA would have to pretend that Cosmo never existed, which according to her flower form's cameo in Chronicles, she DID..."

He looked at the notepad inquisitively. "Wouldn't it also be probable that the Taismo who flame Tailream would hate SEGA for pairing them together?"

"The Taismo who will flame will probably attack SEGA also because they would hate seeing Tails and Cream together, thus getting Cream with people wanting her to be dead. SEGA would probably never buy a Sonic game again if this happened..."

"It certainly seems like a lose-lose thing, doesn't it?"

"It would be."

"Now, Say if the creators of Sonic X started making new episodes again. What would be your reaction if during the season, Tails and Cream start to show some measure of attraction to each other?"

"If they make a Season 4 and make Tails and Cream like each other, I would be shocked because they didn't show much romantic affection in the first three seasons. Plus, it would make things complicated for Tails if Cosmo returned. According to Wikipedia, they MIGHT make a Season 4, but they never said Tails and Cream would fall in the Lake of Love."

"Now what if Cosmo is resurrected, but she shows signs of dislike for him?"

"Tails would end up in a deep depression that the one he loves doesn't love him anymore. THEN, I guess Cream MIGHT have a chance with Tails, as he is NOT being paired with a guy, Amy, Rouge, Fiona, a human, or anyone else but Cosmo or Cream."

Onewithmyshoesize wrote on the notepad again. "What is your opinion on the flame war and the flamers on both sides?"

"Too bad if you want the opinion that will not hurt anyone. Honestly, I think the Wars are foolish and the fools who flame in it, on both sides, are idiots. Can't they see that the Wars are tearing friendships that have lasted years apart like nothing..."

"Apparently they can't. It is sad on many levels, really."

"I know it is sad. The flamers are pathetic…"

He scribbled again on the notepad. "What is your opinion on Tailream?"

Nessfan shrugs his shoulders. "In my opinion, if Cosmo was never to come back, MAYBE Tails could get with Cream on the rebound."

He scribbled some more on the notepad. "Now, your final question. What is the best way to end the pairing war?"

"I guess the best way is to get them to realize that they are being fools by getting them to be in the point of view of a third person. In other places, it might bring physical violence, though I cannot be sure. Getting them to see what fools they are is the best way to end the war on who gets to be the special one of Miles "Tails" Prower."

"I hear that. It was nice talking to you."

"You too." Nessfan got up and left through the door. Onewithmyshoesize looked at his notepad. It had a huge tic-tac-toe drawing on it. _Damn it, the O's won again._ He flipped the page on the notepad and looked at the notes. He looked at the computer screen and saw a window that said: _Execution successful. File has been encrypted. Now no haxors can see your porn._

"IT'S NOT PORN!" Onewithmyshoesize screamed.

**Theme: The Taismo people have their point of view…**


	3. Chapter 3: The First Round

Chapter 3: The First Round

**Disclaimer: I own nothing here. It makes me very sad, and I have an emoticon to prove it. Here it is D:**

**Music: "Anything for Trish" from the inFAMOUS soundtrack.**

Cosmo was garbed in her blue swimsuit and her lifeguard shorts. She shifted uncomfortably in the water of the City-Town pool. She sighed as she stood in the water. She looked at the two people from her team that was helping her: Cole and Zeke. Cosmo was on good terms with both of them, but she wasn't a fan of Zeke's plan, and neither was Cole.

"You know this isn't going to work," Cole said as he looked through his binoculars.

"Aw, c'mon, give it a chance," said Zeke as he was lounging on one of the lawn chairs. "Besides, we are in it to win."

"I appreciate your help," Cosmo said as she stood in the lukewarm water of the pool, "but I agree with Cole. Tails isn't dumb enough to fall for this old trick."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. He knows that I'm the best athlete on the swim team and I'm a lifeguard. There's no way he'd actually believe I'm drowning."

"Oh yes he will. This trick works all the time. All you need to do is pretend that you are drowning, then he will rescue you, then when he is going in for the rescue breaths, you wake up and kiss him." Zeke said as he looked up from his prison magazine.

"But he knows I'm a great swimmer."

"You ever watch _Baywatch_? Every few episodes, or so they have a lifeguard drown so that they can have them rescued. Just don't worry about it. It'll work."

A smile grew on Cole's face. "It didn't work for that lifeguard back when we were ten years old."

"Hey! It would have worked if somebody hadn't pointed out I was breathing. I still never found out who did…" Zeke looked at Cole and saw a grin on his face. Zeke grew wide-eyed.

"That was you? You and I got banned from the pool for that!" They both started to laugh. Cosmo giggled. Cole returned to his binoculars and saw Tails entering the entrance to the pool.

"Quick! Tails is coming."

Cosmo started to bob up and down in the water and splash a little to look like she was drowning. Tails entered. "Hi everyone, how's-OMG! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO COSMO?"

Cole said in a flat tone: "Cosmo is drowning!"

Zeke then said in a flat tone: "Only you can save her, Tails!"

Tails looked at both of them. "Why don't either of you save her?" He asked.

"Because I'm no Michael Phelps, and Cole would electrocute her if he tried to save her." Zeke responded.

Tails then ran to the life preserver stationed at a wall. He grabbed and ran to the pool. "Cosmo! Catch!" He threw the life preserver at Cosmo, which hit her square in the head and she sunk in the water.

"Fail," someone said.

"Get your butt in the water Tails!" Said Zeke.

Tails then jumped in and swam toward Cosmo. He grabbed Cosmo by the shoulder and carried her out of the pool. During this time, Cole and Zeke were actually worried that Cosmo was unconscious. But she opened her eyes and winked at Cole and Zeke. It was all part of the plan.

Tails set the "unconscious" Cosmo down on the ground. Cole and Zeke rushed over.

"Tails, she needs mouth-to-mouth," Zeke said.

Tails looked at them. "Why don't either of you help?"

"Cole would electrocute her if he did it. And my mouth is being saved for that special someone." Zeke said.

"Oh alright," Tails said annoyed. He opened Cosmo's mouth, pinched her nose and…

During this time, Vault Boy was wandering near the pool and through the fence he saw an unspeakable horror: Tails was going to give mouth-to-mouth to Cosmo! _Oh noes! Tails is falling for the oldest trick in the book!_ Vault Boy thought frantically as he started to sweat. His face brightened as he thought of an idea. He pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through the contacts until he came across the name David Hasselhoff. Vault Boy hit the call button.

_This is it!_ Cosmo thought excitedly as she felt Tails' lips nearing her's. _Tails, you're mine. Cream, eat your heart out._ Suddenly, Tails was yanked away from Cosmo.

"Out of the way, amateur," Someone said. Tails looked at the person. It was David Hasselhoff.

He sealed his mouth over Cosmo's and forced his breaths into her. She woke up and started to inflate like a balloon. Soon, her top became breast-sized and her shorts were almost like underwear. She was so spherical like a globe that one could find out countries in her. David took his lips off of her and she flew around in the air as she lost air and flew into the bathroom.

Cole, Zeke and Tails looked at David with an angry look. "Yeah, I know, I'm awesome. You can thank me for saving her life later." They all ran toward him and attacked him. "Hey stop it! You are all just jealous that I'm a babe magnet and you all are not." And with that Cole let loose a lightning storm on David.

**Music: The shop theme from the Legend of Zelda.**

Elsewhere, Cream and Vanilla were in the kitchen getting ready to bake. They both had on matching aprons. Cream looked up at Vanilla.

"Mama, thanks for helping me," Cream said.

"Don't mention it, sweetie," Vanilla said, "I only want you to be happy."

"So why are we in the kitchen?"

"Let me tell you something about men, sweetie. You see, there are many ways to earn a man's love. But there is one way that all men have in common: through their stomachs. That's how I met your dad."

"Which one?"

"Both of them."

"Alright…I guess…"

"Now where is Vault Boy?"

"Mr. Vault Boy said he had some things to attend to."

Vault Boy came in with a confident look.

"Where were you?" Vanilla asked.

"I got the recipe for the pie. And I had to stop one of the Taismo team's nefarious schemes."

"What did they try to do to my Tails?" Cream asked vehemently.

"They tried to get him to kiss Cosmo via the old resuscitation kiss trick. Can you believe he actually almost fell for that? How can someone be so smart, yet be so dumb?"

"I don't know about that…Tails is the smartest guy I know…" Cream said love struck.

"Don't go loopy on us, Cream. We need you to complete the Brazilian love pie."

Vault Boy placed the recipe in front of all of them and they went to work. In about one hour, the pie was made. Vault Boy drenched it with Nuka-Cola. A mini nuclear explosion took place on the pie. The mushroom cloud was in the shape of a heart.

"Excellent!" Cackled Vault Boy, "With this pie, Tails will be dead before dessert!"

Vanilla and Cream looked at Vault Boy with a weird look. "Err, I didn't mean to say that. I meant that when he eats the pie, he will fall in love with the first woman he sees. That will be you Cream, and then you will get to be his lover for all eternity!" They all laughed evilly. The door bell rang.

"Quick get Tails into the living room," Vanilla said. Cream went to answer the door. She quickly put on lip stick. "Aren't you too young for lipstick?" Vault Boy asked. Cream responded with: "Look, buddy, don't push my buttons and I won't push yours."

Cream opened the door and put on a smile. "Hello Tails," she said sweetly, "I'm so glad you've decided to join us for dinner."

Tails raised an eyebrow. "Dinner? I thought I was here to get my wrench back…"

"Oh yes! You're here for that, too! But while you're at it, you might as well join us for dinner."

"But…"

"Think of it as my way of apologizing for my horrible behavior yesterday."

"But shouldn't you-"

"I'll apologize to Cosmo later, now GET YOUR CUTE LI'L KIESTER IN HERE!" Cream grabbed Tails by his chest fur and yanked him into the house.

Cream poured Tails a cup of tea and handed it to him. "I hope you like it. I made it with a hint of fresh mint." Tails accepted the cup and sipped out of it tepidly. "Thanks, but I should really get my wrench and get going."

"Are you busy?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"But I think you have enough time for a little chat right?"

"I suppose so."

"Great! But first I need to go get a cake."

"I thought we were having dinner."

"But you said you were busy."

"But I thought you wanted me to be here."

Cream giggled shyly. She got up and left for the kitchen.

"Is the pie ready, mama and Mr. Vault- OH MY GOODNESS!" She looked horrified at Vault Boy and Vanilla as they were being attacked by tendrils. The tendrils were rising out of the pie and were playing around with Vault Boy and Vanilla like ragdolls. Vanilla was kicking the tendrils while Vault Boy was unloading a magnum on the tendrils.

Vault Boy looked at Cream. "Sorry, Cream. Someone replaced the nirnroot with vinemind!"

"What does that mean?" Cream asked scared.

"It means someone has turned the love pie into a man-and-rabbit eating plant!" Vanilla said.

"Who would do that?" Cream asked.

"Apparently my supplier, Gazpacho, is a Taismo fan! He must have known that we were making a love pie and tried to ruin our efforts!" Cream ran out and grabbed a can of weed killer. She sprayed the gas throughout the kitchen. It killed the plant, but it gassed the entire place.

A few hours later, the hazmat team was cleaning out the cottage. One of them was taking to Vanilla.

"Why is there weed killer in your kitchen?"

"You would not believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"I was making a love pie, but someone switched the ingredients and the pie grew tendrils." The hazmat person laughed.

"Next time, make sure you've the right ingredients then! The house will be safe to live in after a few minutes."

Cream was talking to Tails. She handed him a wrench. "Sorry about tonight."

"That's alright. I've been through worse."

"Will-will you still come over sometimes?"

"I'll think about it."

And Tails then departed to his workshop.


	4. Chapter 4: A Voice Aside: Tailream

Chapter 4: A Voice Aside: Tailream

**Disclaimer: Whatever I said with nessfan applies to ITSOVER9000ish.**

Onewithmyshoesize looked out from his window into the streets. He sighed. The nearby bakery was hanging a Tailream only sign, while the nearby soda bar was flaunting a Taismo only sign. Things around City-Town have started to become tense ever since the first round took place yesterday. He was thankful no one won in the first round, but nobody ever does. Soon, the town would be divided, and eventually, even he would have to take a side. He'd never take a side. Never. Not in his life.

He launched his browser and opened two tabs. On each of the tabs, he clicked on the "incognito" mode button. He received a message saying: _Initiating Porn Mode_…Onewithmyshoesize wanted to scream that what he was looking up was not porn. He logged on to and pulled up two stories from his favorites page. One was Tailream, the other was Taismo.

Chemerl entered the office again. He was writing in his journal.

"Hello Chemerl," Onewithmyshoesize said. "Is my one o'clock here?"

"Yes, ITSOVER9000ish is here…but it's weird though…it doesn't represent a mathematical equation. Maybe…"

"It's a meme. It's supposed to be funny or annoying. Send him in."

ITSOVER9000ish came into the office. Onewithmyshoesize got up from his chair and shook ITSOVER9000ish's hand.

"Hello, ITSOVER9000ish," Onewithmyshoesize said.

"Hello Onewithmyshoesize," ITSOVER9000ish said.

"Are you ready for the interview?"

"Yes."

Onewithmyshoesize took out a notepad and a pencil. "Alright, so let's begin. For the sake of formalities, are you Tailream, Taismo, neither or both?"

"I am all Tailream, all the way! No couple in the Sonic Universe, or possibly no couple period, is better!"

Onewithmyshoesize wrote something on his notepad. "Why do you feel that way about Tailream?"

"I feel that way because Tailream is just so freaking cute! I first started liking Tailream when I was reading a Sonic Heroes manual and looking at the character profiles. I saw that Tails and Cream were the best friends of Sonic and Amy, respectively. I knew that Sonic and Amy would eventually be together, so I thought it would be great if Tails and Cream got together too, and from then on, I have been and always will be a Tailream fan."

Onewithmyshoesize wrote something in his notepad. "What is your opinion on Taismo?"

"Well, it's not a bad couple, but I don't like it very much. I think Tails should have had the romance with Cream in Sonic X instead. Cosmo wasn't a bad character, so I don't see a reason to kill her, but her having the romance with Tails kind of bugged me."

Onewithmyshoesize wrote something in his notepad. "I see. Say if SEGA released a game with Tails and Cream together, but she showed signs of dislike for him what would be your reaction?"

"I hope that doesn't happen, though I don't think it ever will."

Onewithmyshoesize wrote something in his notepad. "And if they made a game where Tails and Cosmo are together?"

"I wouldn't like that, but like the other question, I don't think it will happen."

Onewithmyshoesize wrote something in his notepad. "What is your opinion on the people that flame the couples?"

"They have a right to their own opinions and flaming won't do anything about it."

Do I need to record what Onewithmyshoesize was doing? "What is your opinion on the pairing war?"

"Well, I definitely think that it will be weird when it ends, hopefully and most likely with Tailream winning."

"Do you think there is any special point about either pairing?"

"Tailream is very cute, but there isn't much proof. Taismo has a lot of proof, but Cosmo is dead and can't really be with Tails anymore."

"And finally, what is the best way to end the pairing war?"

"If people agree to let everyone be happy with their opinions and stop all the criticism. Also, Tails rules!"

"Indeed he does. That's why he's one of my favorite characters." They laugh lightly. "Thank you for your time."

"Your welcome. I hope we have the chance to work together again in the future."

"Hopefully, but we'll see." ITSOVER9000ish got up, shook Onewithmyshoesize's hand and left. Onewithmyshoesize looked at his notepad. _Hm, the X's won this time. What does this bode for us?_ He looked at his notes and sighed. Similar ways for ending the war, but Onewithmyshoesizze looked a little puzzled. There was quite a lot of common ground with the two interviewed persons. Both were also quite loyal to their pairings. He thought it incredulous. Really? Could this point be how it ends? No. It was not that simple. It was human nature to love and stir up controversy. In short, humans love to be trolls, but not to actually see their trollish sides.

He looked at his computer. He closed the tabs and turned off incognito mode. _Exiting Porn Mode…you know, you really should stop looking up porn. It's disgusting._

"IT'S NOT PORN!" Onewithmyshoesize screamed.


	5. Chapter 5:The Price of Neutrality

Chapter 5: The Price of Neutrality

**Disclaimer: Plagiarizing as usual, I see! No way, man. I don't do that s—t.**

Sonic and Amy were walking through the market district together on this fine morning. But all that was fine about the morning was the weather really. They noticed something was inherently wrong about the entire place. The shops, restaurants, theatre and gym had signs saying _Taismo Only _and _Tailream Only._ Sonic and Amy were quite worried. Neither of them took sides when the town was separated into the two teams. Few people stayed neutral; it was easier if you chose a side, but if you didn't, you'd be hit with a truck from both sides.

Case in point: Sonic and Amy passed by the old bookshop in the district. They heard a ruckus from within.

"What do you think is going in there?" Sonic asked.

"How should I know?" Amy answered. "Nothing seems to make sense anymore."

Soon, the doorway to the book store spat out an old man. He was Deckard Cain. He was yelling and his face was red like a tomato. "What is the meaning of this?" He screamed.

"Sorry, old man, but we can't have your kind around these parts." The owner said.

"What do you mean 'my kind'?"

The owner motioned to a small sign hanging in the window in front of the book store. It read: _Taismo only._ Cain was outraged.

"How can you throw me out just because of that?"

"We don't cater to you Tailream trash. Find some other book store."

"But I have a membership at your store! I have a Barnes & Nobles card!"

"Now, see, I don't really care. You're an embarrassment to our fine establishment. Now, get out, before we carry you out in a box." Deckard Cain left. He grumbled to himself as he walked away. Sonic caught up to him.

"Hey there," Sonic said.

"Hello, my friend," Cain said to him.

"Aren't you going to do your usual greeting?"

"Fine. Stay awhile and listen."

"What happened back there?" Amy asked.

"The clerk saw fit to throw me out because I think Tails and Cream should be together! Can you believe that? After all the business I've given them! I even remember being that clerk's first customer!" Cain grew red again. His face lost its red hue and he sighed. "Now, I can't even go to pick my week-old order. Now I have to visit…" He shuddered visibly, "Borders!" He then started to cry. "Or worse- I'll be forced into the 21st century by having to buy an e-reader!" He then hurried off as he sobbed silently.

"Wow," Amy said, "do you think the town's taking this Tailream-Taismo stuff too seriously, Sonic?"

"Yeah, I do," Sonic said. "They even threw out a dirty old man from a bookstore!"

They continued walking and saw a knick-knack store. A fat man with a pony-tail, blue shirt and red shorts was standing in the doorway in front of a man with a knight costume.

The fat man said: "What do you mean I am barred from entering the Dungeons & Dragons contest?"

"Sorry, Comic Book Guy, but no Taismo people are allowed. I've even posted a sign."

"There was no sign!"

"I cloaked it with a persistent Greater Invisibility spell."

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did. Now get out before I have to cast Banishment on you."

"This isn't fair! Just because I think the young kitsune should get with the green space babe…"

"And that's another thing! Stop touting that reason around to hit me over the head! Cosmo's dead, now get that in your head! Hey, that rhymed." And soon, Comic Book Guy left. "Worse kicking out ever," he muttered.

"I don't even want to know what that was about," Amy said.

The continued on until the saw a bar and someone in a leather jacket and blue jumpsuit was thrown out. He had tan skin and greasy, slicked back black hair. He was yelling at the person who kicked him out, and spoke with 1950's lingo.

"Why the hell are you throwing me out?" He yelled.

"'Cause we don't need you dirty neutrals here. Taismo only."

"You little punk! No one throws Butch de Loria out! You should have just given me the sweet roll!"

"I don't give greasers sweet rolls. You aren't even tough enough to take a side. Go back to being a hairdresser."

"NO ONE CALLS ME A HAIRDRESSER! I'M…A…BARBER!" He leaped at the bartender and attacked. After a few minutes of wrestling, he brought down the bartender and Butch stood over him triumphant. "Tunnel Snakes rule, b-tch!" He declared. He kicked the bartender again and left towards home. He took his knife and used it to stylize his hair masterfully. He looked in Sonic's direction. When he looked at him, anger and spite grew visible in Butch's snide sneer. He yelled at Sonic from afar: "Hey, you! Tell that little mutant of yours to decide already! I'm bored!" He walked away. Sonic grew angry. "Call Tails a mutant will he?" He said as he started to run after Butch. Amy grabbed Sonic's arm and hit him over the head with her hammer.

"Sonic!"

"Sorry Amy, but that guy has it coming!"

"Yeah, I know, but you can't lose you're your cool here! He's a punk, while you're a great hero." Soon a mob of Butch fangirls appeared and mobbed Amy. "BUTCH IS BETTER THAN THAT BLUE FUZZBALL ANY DAY!" They screamed. Sonic and Amy took to their heels and ran for their lives.

Around evening, Sonic and Amy lost the mob and went to Vault Boy's soda bar to salvage whatever is left of their date. They walked in and sat at a table in the corner of the bar. Here was the crashing site of many Tailream-ers as they drank Nuka-Cola and got hyperactive.

"You know, Butch has a point," Amy said tentatively to Sonic.

"About Tails being a mutant?"

"No. I mean about Tails deciding who he loves. Does he even know this is going on?"

"I don't think so…"

"Then this isn't fair. Tails should be with whoever he loves."

"That's what the contest is trying to decide."

"By making Cosmo and Cream rape Tails?"

"Ew. You do have a point."

"Exactly." They looked at the bar and saw Vault Boy arguing with a tall, ruggedly handsome brunet with golden eyes. He had a very brisk manner of speaking. His name was Bishop.

"Hey, Vault-Boy, another round," Bishop demanded.

"No way, you hunk-a-licious freeloader! You haven't paid for a single drop during your entire stay here. Either you pay up, or get out."

Bishop looked him in the eye and took out his bow and knocked an arrow that was headed for Vault-Boy's forehead.

"I'm sorry I think I heard you wrong. I said I want another round." Bishop replied.

Due to his fast shot trait, Bonus Rate of Fire and Pack Rat perks, Vault-Boy whipped out his magnum and shot Bishop's bow out of his hands in 2 AP. He smiled. "Sorry, but it seems you brought a bow to a gunfight. Now pay up."

Bishop grunted. He took out 75 gold pieces and handed it to Vault-Boy.

"What is this?" Vault-Boy asked.

"You asked me to pay. Now take your money."

"This isn't money!"

"Yes it is. It covers my debt."

"No it doesn't! You gave me worthless sheets of metal! You need real money! Like this!" Vault-Boy held a bottle cap in his fingers.

"That's not money! That's cheap jizz!"

"Question my integrity, will you? I'll make mince-meat out of-!"

Both Bishop and Vault-Boy were coming to blows but the stopped when they heard the door to the bar slam. Everyone looked at the people that stood in the doorway. They saw four people about as tall as Sonic. They had chainmail armor and their helmets had a white faceplate. Their helmets were colored red, green, blue and orange. They were the four knight captains loyal to the four princesses and the king. The green one was Sir Daedelus, the red one was Sir Cyrix, the orange one was Sir Ifrit, and the blue one was Sir Bob. They hailed from the land of Castle Crashers. And they all were Taismo.

"What do you fops want?" Vault-Boy asked briskly.

"We have orders from the princesses to close down this establishment." Sir Daedelus said.

"Why? Is it because we are Tailream?"

"Direct orders."

"Lemme see 'em." Vault-Boy said.

"Here," said Sir Bob as he handed Vault-Boy the orders.

"Why is it written on a leaf?"

"Okay, fine. We just hate your guts, you stupid little brats." Sir Ifrit said. His hands grew with fire.

"You can't close us down! The Taismo team has every restaurant in town except for this bar! And let's get something straight- right here, right now." Vault-Boy said as a hip-hop beat played in the background and he moved his head back and forth.

He then said in a cool, gruff southern accent: "Ain't nobody takin' this place from me!"

He pounced on the knights and attacked them. The people in the bar got up and filled their hands with whatever they could find, anything that could make a good weapon, and charged as more Taismo people flooded in. Sonic and Amy got up and escaped through the back door of the bar. They ran back to the boarding house as the glow of the fight disappeared in the distance along with the screams, sirens of ambulances, cacophony of sounds and the rallying cry for the people to go to arms receded in the night.

Sonic was writhing in anger. "Those stupid boneheads! They ruined our date! And for what? That they can't have two of the most random people come together?"

Amy looked at Sonic. "I know," she said, "but let's just be thankful that we're alive."

"Thankful my foot! I can't go to the places I want, can't see the people I want, heck, I can't even date the girl I like because of them!"

"Calm down Sonic. Let's just go home."

This was the worse date ever.

And Sonic and Amy never got the Nuka-Cola they ordered.


	6. Chapter 6: Round Two

Chapter 6: Round Two

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. WAH! **

Cosmo was standing in the market. She looked at the newspaper stand and went up to the clerk. She handed the clerk a nickel and picked up a newspaper called _The City-Town Times_. It should a fire at a local bar, with the headlines stating: _Street War at a Bar_. She read the article and grew horrified as she looked at the contents. A fight broke out between the two teams at the Whatever Soda Bar. No one knows who started the fight, but now about 500 people were critically injured and flooding the hospitals. There weren't even enough paramedics to transport them all. Some had made return trips; others had commandeered a trailer hitch and piled on the injured in the small basket. It violated regulations, sure, but did the regulations ever mention something about a massacre? She didn't think so. Many of the injured had busted eardrums, dislocated limbs, gunshot wounds, fractured limbs including skulls and were bleeding from their wounds. Among these people were her father, Lucas aka Dark Oak, and her sister Galaxina.

It was known to Cosmo why Dark Oak and Galaxina were at the bar that night. When the competition started, her sisters and her mother had taken her side, but not her father. Lucas was thoroughly upset at Cosmo for being in love with a "filthy mammal" and they had gotten into a "while you livin' unda mah roof" argument. She remembered one part of the argument:

"What do you see in him?"

"I see a lover, dad. Tails is smart, kind, handsome, noble, creative, inventive…"

"And a filthy mammal."

"Is that all you see? A mammal?"

"Yes, that's all I see. There are plenty of men in the world just like him…Seedrian men, of course."

"I don't want them! I want Tails!"

"I will not have a mammal as a son-in-law!"

She cried as she thought the argument over and over. The argument ended with her being sent to her room as Lucas sat on the couch fuming as Cosmo's sisters and mother pleaded with him to accept his daughter's decision. He softened up to the idea, but he stood firm. He eventually left to the soda bar to pick up some food stuffs to apologize to Cosmo. But he headed there with Galaxina at the same time the fight instigated. Now they both were in the hospital. They were recovering at great speed, but Cosmo was still worried about them.

_Why doesn't she understand?_ Cosmo thought as she fumed with anger. Why does Cream want to steal Tails from her? She didn't love Tails. At most, she was just infatuated with him like a schoolgirl's early crush, but nothing comparable to how Cosmo felt about Tails. Her feelings were more mature in her mind. She desired Tails. She wanted to grow old with him, she wanted to relax with him in bed, she wanted to come home to him from work, she wanted to have a family with him, she wanted to spend every waking hour she had on this planet with him until they both depart for the next world, and spend an eternity with each other. She crossed her legs in her chair as she pondered these things over. What if Cream felt all of these things for Tails as well? The thought seemed so laughable from afar, but as she examined the question, she became wide-eyed. What if this is all hopeless?

She shook her head as three people from her team approached. They were Ed, Edd and Eddy.

"Are you ready for our endeavor to win your lover's heart Cosmo?" Edd asked.

"Yes," Cosmo said.

"Sheldon doesn't like this plan Double-Dee. He says it smells of lentil soap." Ed said.

"Be quiet, Ed. This scam-err, plan is gold!" Eddy said.

"What's the plan?" Cosmo asked.

"Behold! The Boy-Toy five-point-oh." Double-Dee said as he made jazz hands and presented a handsome looking hedgehog. "The Boy-Toy is programmed to think has been in love with you ever since he was 'born'!"

"So we are making Tails jealous?" Cosmo asked.

"Yep, and for a measly quarter we'll have him-!" Eddy said until Ed shoved Sheldon in front of him. "Do you think Sheldon's curdled for the 45th time today?" Eddy's eyes watered and he fainted on the ground.

"Sounds good," Cosmo said. She saw Tails coming down the street. "Wait, here he comes!" Double-Dee activated the Boy-Toy and they hid in the bushes. The Boy-Toy looked at Cosmo and hearts appeared in his big, anime eyes. He went over to Cosmo. "Hey, aren't you the cute one?" He said. It was the cheesiest pick-up line in the history of pick-up lines. But Cosmo pretended to enjoy them as Tails watched her. He felt jealous. He walked up to Cosmo.

"Hi, Cosmo," He said.

"Hi Tails," Cosmo said, "Have you met friend-err-Jeff?"

"No, I haven't. By the way, I was going to go to a restaurant for dinner tonight at 7:00. Want to come?"

"Sure! I'd love to! Any time!" Cosmo responded as she blushed.

"Alright. But come without your friend, okay?"

Cosmo squealed with delight as Tails walked away. "It worked!" She exclaimed.

"I can't believe it," Double-Dee said, "The android worked!"

"Believe it sock head! We have a money maker on our hands!" Eddy exclaimed.

"I can't believe that it's not gravy, Eddy," Ed said.

"And at the date, I'll finally get a kiss from Tails," Cosmo swooned.

"Tails! Tails! Tails! That's all you ever talk about!" The Boy-Toy said. "What about me?"

"Don't push it. My heart will always belong to Tails. He has my eternal love," Cosmo said and she left to prepare for her date.

"Well, we'd better-hey, where's the android?" Double-Dee asked.

In the bushes, Vault-Boy was dressed like a ninja and he turned to Jill. He nodded to her and she was given a scroll. Jill donned her RE5 outfit and left to find Cream.

Cream was on the sofa devastated and wailing when she was given the news.

"No! I've lost!"

"You haven't lost," Jill said.

"Yes I have! I was too stupid to understand that Tails would never love me! Shakespeare was wrong, Ms. Jill, 'tis better to never have loved at all than to have loved and lost!" Cream cried harder into the pillow and she kicked her feet in the sofa cushions.

"Listen to me! We know where and at what time the date is. We can stop it-or have you be there to kiss Tails." Jill said.

"You're…you're right! I never thought of it that way! I have to go and find my most beautiful dress! Thank you Ms. Jill!" Cream ran off to find a dress.

At 7 o' clock, Tails was sitting at a table with Cosmo in Le Fancy. Tails couldn't believe what he did. What was he thinking? He wasn't thinking! And now he was taking a girl on a date! It isn't a date; he assured himself, she just agreed because we are friends. Cosmo was talking non-stop as he was thinking and he replied with an occasional yes or no to her questions. The entire restaurant was abandoned. Only he and Cosmo were eating there tonight. But that changed.

Tails heard footsteps as and he looked behind him. Cosmo's face scowled. It was Cream dressed in a simple, sleeveless pink dress, wearing a small elegant amount of lipstick and was wearing some pretty and sleek high heeled shoes. She was carrying a pink purse. "Hi Tails and Cosmo!" She said as she sat herself down at the table.

"What are you doing here, Cream? This is a private date, we don't need you!" Cosmo said.

"Calm down, Cosmo. Cream can join us for dinner." Tails said. Apparently, Tails did not suspect that it was a date. Cream sat down, and moved a little closer to Tails. So did Cosmo. They both began to talk to Tails, but they interrupted each other. When the waiter served the drinks, Cream "accidently" spilled her drink on Cosmo.

"I'm really sorry Cosmo!" Cream said sarcastically.

Cosmo grew angry and she pretended to get up to fix her dress, and stepped on Creams foot. Cream yelped with a little pain. "Oh, I'm sorry, Cream, did I hurt you?"

Cream grumbled and she got up. She ripped part of the sleeve of Cosmo's dress. "I'm really sorry; I don't know what's come over me!" Cosmo ripped the bottom of Cream's dress off. "I hope you can replace that dress!" Cosmo almost yelled. Tails sighed. He knew most guys would love to have women fighting over them, but Tails wasn't one of them.

Before the entire ordeal came to blows, the door opened. They all looked at the door. They saw a man wearing Enclave Hellfire Armor with a Tesla Cannon, a Gauss Rifle, and an Alien Blaster. It was the Boy-Toy mark five-point-oh! And he was here for his girl!

"Tails must be eliminated!" He said. He aimed his Tesla Cannon at Tails and fired. Cream, Cosmo and Tails ran away and ducked behind an overturned table. They all shuddered. Blam! The table exploded and Cream, Cosmo and Tails were thrown against the wall. The Boy-Toy had attacked with his Gauss Rifle. He walked up to Tails. Tails ran up to him and attacked him. Tails knocked away the Tesla Cannon and Gauss Rifle. He hit the android with a consecutive flurry of blows. He even knocked the Boy-Toy over. Tails stood triumphant until he heard the cocking of a gun below him. He looked down at the android and saw him holding up the Alien Blaster. "Time to die, dude," it said.

Tails knocked away the blaster but the android got up and readied his fists. He had a power fist! Tails needed help, and he got help. Vault-Boy went in with a Fat Man, Jill had a Hydra, and the Eds had trash weapons fashioned by Double-Dee. Tails kept punching the android until he made a large hole in the power armor. Vault-Boy, Jill and the Eds opened fire on the hole until the android started shorting out. "I lost, dude."

They all ran out of the restaurant and saw it explode into fireworks. Tails was horrified. His horror turned to anger and he looked at Cream and Cosmo.

"What's wrong with you two?" He shouted. He then ran away to the boarding house. Cosmo and Cream were stunned. Vault-Boy simply walked up to the fiery ruins and took out a stick with a sausage impaled on it. He held it over the fire, and the others went to it to roast marshmallows.


	7. Chapter 7: The Peace Makers

Chapter Seven: The Peace Makers

**Disclaimer: I won nothing…so I own nothing…**

All was quite in City-Town. Nobody dared to make a noise. Nobody wanted to, at any rate. Shopkeepers walked up to their signs that segregated the shops into factions and tore them down. Nobody wanted to partake in this competition anymore. Was it even a competition? Nobody could even tell anymore. All they saw was the morning headlines: _Le Fancy Totaled!_ Everyone's favorite restaurant was gone. Destroyed by some failed plot by the competitors' endeavors.

Nobody wanted this competition anymore.

People that normally wouldn't have spoken to each other finally broke the silence. There were no Tailream or Taismo anymore. There was just the anguish caused by over competitiveness and depravity. They didn't believe in that farce anymore. They didn't want their own couple to take the town by storm. The entire predicament grew old and tired.

People just talked to other people about other things. Many of the people just wanted to go back to their own continuities now.

Cole and Zeke were at the local pizza parlor. They ordered a small cheese pizza to go. They both walked out and Cole started to speak.

"What are we doing here, Zeke?"

"I don't know about you, but I want to eat some pizza."

"I mean, what are we doing in this place? I don't want to be here anymore."

"Why not? People don't talk about the damn competition anymore. This place is finally free! We need to do a little exploring."

"Yeah, but it took destroying a restaurant to do that. Look Zeke, we need to be back in Empire City-,"

"-Kickin' Dust Men ass, yeah, I know. But we ain't allowed to leave here until Tails makes his choice."

"Which is we are quitting this competition. I hate this place. To hell with this Tailream-Taismo stuff, we are escaping tonight!"

"Finally you're talking some sense, Cole! I told ya this place was wack!"

"All right, here's what we need to- oh crap." Cole said as he saw a woman walk up to him. It was Sheva.

"I'm sorry, but I heard you say you were trying to escape." Sheva said.

"No we weren't," Cole lied.

"You don't need to lie. I'm tired of this competition."

"You too?" Zeke said.

"Yes," Sheva answered, "I'm tired of being separated from my friends. I hate working with Wesker, even for something as stupid as this competition."

"All right, then here's the deal: don't tell anyone else, and we'll walk to the Cornerstone. I saw a room with portals there. We can escape from there-," Another person came up to them.

"Are you Cole, Zeke and Toyota?" The person asked.

"It's Sheva."

"Whatever Chevy. Listen, Cosmo wishes to see you all."

"Tell Cosmo to back off. We don't want any part of this competition again." Sheva said.

"Exactly. She wants to see you all to end this competition." The person left.

"What do you think Cosmo wants us for?" Zeke asked.

"Probably to figure out a way to get a kiss from Tails," Cole said. "Let's go. We'll tell her exactly what we think of this competition."

Cosmo was crying on her desk back in her room. She dried her tears with a tissue used over and over again. She looked at the newspaper. It was her idea that caused that. It was her idea that almost killed Tails. It was her idea that caused Tails to avoid her. She couldn't keep going on like this. She took part in something that injured people and broke off two of her friendships. One with Tails, and one with Cream. That is why she decided to end this. She only hoped that her emissaries would come.

The door opened and Cosmo looked up. She dried her tears and stifled her cries. She sat up and looked at Cole, Zeke and Sheva.

"Hello," Cosmo said quietly. "You may all sit if you-,"

"We are fine with standing," Sheva said.

"Suit yourself. You are all wondering why I called you here…"

"No we aren't," Zeke said, "You called us here for the exact same reason you call everyone nowadays. The answer is N-O no! We will not help you kiss Tails."

"I didn't call you all here for that," Cosmo said.

"Then why did you call us?" Sheva asked.

"I need emissaries."

"For what?" Cole asked.

"I want you all to tell Cream something. I want you to tell her…I'm pulling out of this competition." The three were shocked. "That's exactly right. I don't care if Tails is with Cream or me anymore, I just want to end this."

"What, did you suddenly get your conscience…un-lobotomized?" Zeke asked.

"Yes, I did. After what happened yesterday…I think Tails hates me. His hate is justified, of course. Looking back at this…this farce…I realize that I and Cream have done some nasty things, and that made the citizens do more nasty things.

"I want you to tell Cream that I'm sorry for all of the trouble I have caused…and she can have Tails…I don't care anymore…"

Cole, Zeke and Sheva looked at each other.

"Please! I beg you!" Cosmo cried.

"We will tell Cream you want to talk to her." Cole said.

Meanwhile, Cream was in her room crying. She looked at the newspaper. It was her counter-idea that destroyed that restaurant. It was her counter-idea that shamed her and Cosmo in front of Tails. It was why Tails and Cosmo both hated her. She only hopes that her emissaries would come.

The door opened and Cream looked up. She dried her tears and stifled her cries. She sat up and looked at Vault-Boy, Chris and Ness.

"Hello," Cream said quietly. "You may all sit if you-,"

"We are fine with standing," Chris said.

"Suit yourself. You are all wondering why I called you here…"

"No we aren't," Vault-Boy said, "You called us here for the exact same reason you call everyone nowadays. The answer is N-O no! We will not help you kiss Tails."

"I didn't call you all here for that," Cream said.

"Then why did you call us?" Ness asked.

"I need emissaries."

"For what?" Chris asked.

"I want you all to tell Cosmo something. I want you to tell her…I'm pulling out of this competition." The three were shocked. "That's exactly right. I don't care if Tails is with Cosmo or me anymore, I just want to end this."

"What, did you suddenly get your conscience…un-lobotomized?" Ness asked.

"Yes, I did. After what happened yesterday…I think Tails hates me. His hate is justified, of course. Looking back at this…this farce…I realize that I and Cosmo have done some nasty things, and that made the citizens do more nasty things.

"I want you to tell Cosmo that I'm sorry for all of the trouble I have caused…and she can have Tails…I don't care anymore…"

Chris, Ness and vault-Boy looked at each other.

"Please! I beg you!" Cream cried.

"We will tell Cosmo you want to quit." Chris said.

The emissaries arrived at Cosmo's place. Vault-Boy spoke: "Hello Cosmo. We are emissaries from Tailream. We wish to tell that Cream is calling it quits." Cosmo grew wide-eyed. "She doesn't want Tails or this competition anymore. You can have him. Cream wants peace." Cosmo mouthed no.

"NO?" Ness said.

"Yes, no! Cream is losing out on the most perfect, handsome, intelligent, kind and cool boy to ever walk this universe! I won't stand for it! I'LL pull out!" Cosmo got on her coat and left to the Cornerstone. Chris broke the silence. "What just happened?"

"I think we're high on something." Vault-Boy said.

The emissaries arrived at Cream's place. Cole said: "All right, look, Cosmo thinks this competition is stupid and she wants you to have Tails."

"WHAT?" Cream screamed with horror.

"I said what I said."

"This is horrible! Cosmo is losing out on the most perfect, intelligent, handsome, noble and awesome boy that ever walked this universe! I won't have it! I simply won't! I'LL quit!" She got on her coat and left for the Cornerstone.

"Now I wonder if it's selflessness or sudden realization that Tails is a nerd that's making them do this." Zeke wondered aloud. The writer erased the top part of Zeke's head.

"WHAT?" Cried the King. "WHAT DO YOU BOTH MEAN YOU BOTH WANT TO QUIT?"

Cosmo and Cream stood resolute to the King. Cream started to speak. "We have been idiots trying to decide who Tails loves like this. I don't care if I can't have Tails, I am quitting this competition."

"I thought I was quitting," Cosmo chimed in.

"No, _I _am."

"I am!"

"I am!"

"Enough! You both cannot quit! We've lost too much trying to do this. If gurl law has failed, then we shall decide this way: tomorrow, your teams will compete in a football game. Whoever wins gets Tails."

"No." Cream said. "Cosmo gets Tails. Period."

"Absolutely not." Cosmo said. "Cream will be with Tails. End of story."

"We need to have a winner!" The King said. He walked off the page and clobbered the writer. He took his key board. "I control the story! This is my story now! Guards! Prepare the two captives for the football game!" The guards came and wrestled Cream and Cosmo to the ground. They were dragged away.

This hasn't gone the way it was supposed to.


	8. Chapter 8: A Voice Aside: Both

Chapter Eight: A Voice Aside: Both

**Disclaimer: You can flame me if you want. Really, you can. But make sure it is because of my views. **

Onewithmyshoesize awoke on the floor of his office. A pain welled up in his throat and he coughed up a small rock. Upon inspection, the rock was revealed to a key of a keyboard with an s inscribed on the key. He sighed and walked to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out a water bottle and sipped from it. He wiped his wet lip and looked back outside. There was quite a ruckus out in the Cornerstone.

He resolved to quit City-Town after this horrible ordeal is over. There is too much strife here for his tastes, too much change in so little time. He went back over to his desk and sat down. He pulled upon the drawer and pulled out a packet riddled with mathematical equations, derivatives and trigonometry. He looked at the first problem and he needed to graph it. _Let's see, 5 is the amplitude, it is shifted to the right __π3__ radians, it is shifted down 2 units…darn._ He thought over the problem and sketched it out on the graphing paper he had. He went on to the next problem. He looked through the packet and thought: _Help._ He decided to figure it out after a break. He wanted to finish this fan fic in order to move on to other things…like math.

He looked at the blank computer screen. He couldn't do anything now that his keyboard. He needed to write it down. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started to right something down. He looked at the paper and frowned. He crumpled it up and threw it in the waste bin. He looked off in the distance. Suddenly, an idea hit him. He summoned his will, and a spirit of him appeared.

"Hello, me," he greeted.

"Hello, good sir," his spirit said.

"May I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure."

"Are you Tailream, Taismo, or neither?"

"I'm both."

"Wha-?"

"Confused?"

"No…just…surprised."

"How can you be surprised? I'm you!"

"Well…how can you be both?"

"I don't know…I read both, I like both…"

"Do you favor one more over the other?"

"Well, personally, I love Tailream."

"Then how are you both?"

"I like Taismo as well."

"Okay…Explain this."

"Well, when I was introduced to the Sonic franchise, I had a dream were Tails and Cream kissed. For me, dreams have always had a personal resonance, so I went along with it."

"You…had a dream…?"

"Yes. It's what you get for thinking of a particular thing for too long in the day."

"Sounds psychologically odd."

"It is. And you can bet I'll be a happy man when I get a get-out-of-jail-free pass!"

They both laughed a little and continued on.

"It's an active imagination, I'll bet."

"Yes. Anyway, when I heard of Sonic X, I started watching it. I dropped in at around the ending of Season 3, so I didn't really understand what was going on. I found that Cosmo and Tails were in love. Being the sucker for romance, I found the pair cute and abandoned Tailream."

"What made you switch back?"

"I'm getting to that. I was a good little Taismo shipper, until I found out something from early in the season: they fell in a potion filled liquid. I didn't like it."

"Why not?"

"It was symbolic of the company's lack of story-telling abilities. If they hadn't done it, then I would have been happy. But then I looked at the ending and at how Cosmo died. It was a meager, meaningless thought, but I found it horrible: what if they did this to hurt Tails? Tails is one of my favorite characters. I wouldn't stand for it. So I went back to Tailream."

"Sounds quixotic."

"I am quixotic, I'll give you that. At any rate, I still couldn't abandon it completely. So I named myself as a fan of both pairings."

"If you are faced with both pairings, which one would take over the other?"

"Can I be neutral?"

"No."

"I would take Tailream."

"Then you aren't a fan of both."

"Stop trying to limit me to one side. I thought this was an interview."

"Sorry. Please explain."

"Well, the entire reason for this war is that there really isn't anyone else you can pair Tails with. Amy wouldn't chase after Tails, because she loves Sonic. Rouge is way too old for Tails. Imagine a 17-year-old shagging an 8-year-old. It's not pretty. Yaoi is out of the question, as is pairing him with an original character."

"You don't like OC pairings?"

"No. They're too limited. And once you're at the bottom of the barrel, there are only two women for Tails: Cosmo and Cream."

"Whereas with Sonic and Knuckles, you can pair them with anyone, right?"

"Exactly. Or else something like this would be happening for Sonic and Knuckles."

"So then what is your opinion on the war?"

"It is laughable and stupid. I don't like it, and it isn't necessary. That's why this fan fic is being written: to criticize it and show people how stupid it is. People should just stop insulting other people for no real reason."

"Do you think some people don't understand it?"

"Yep. But I'm not concerned about them. They've probably decided to never read my works again. There's no point in worrying. Just live life and be free."

"So then who do you think deserves Tails more?"

"I would say they are about equal. I'm sure they both would love to be with Tails, and Tails wouldn't mind being with either of them. Like I said before, if there is a woman for Tails, she would either be Cosmo or Cream."

"I suppose so. Thank you for your time."

"Or is it my time?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I."

The spirit drifted back into Onewithmyshoesize and he got up from his desk. He took out his Pre-Calculus packet and started to graph the functions.


End file.
